Writing novels about spiritual abuse means I dedicate a great deal of time to research. I listen to podcasts, read articles, and dive deep into books.
Before I started writing fiction, my research focused more on Scripture. I heard things from the pulpit that didn’t align with what I was reading in my Bible. I read the Bible chronologically using an annual program for four or five years. Usually, I added a more
in-depth study as well, concentrating on context, historical background, and
cross-references.
All those years of study came in handy when I began writing fiction. Several of my characters sit in sermons that are eerily familiar to the ones I experienced firsthand. And like me, they feel the struggle of being a woman who feels frustrated at being overlooked, criticized, and casually dismissed by male leadership.
While my writing focus is contemporary Christian fiction, I also wrote a non-fiction study to combat the common teaching that Proverbs 31 is a to-do list for women to prove they are spiritual and worthy of God’s grace. Instead, I approached the chapter as a prophecy declaring the strength and beauty godly women ALREADY possess.
The following is a chapter from The Women Who Set the Precedents: An Exploration of the Bible’s Bill of Rights for Women.
Mary and Martha, the Excellent and Godly Women.
Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. She has the right to obtain personal excellence. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:29-30
A woman has the right to a personal relationship with God.
The story of Mary and Martha occurs over three Bible passages. We don’t get much detail of their personal lives because the focus is on their spiritual journeys. Unfortunately, when people hear the “story of Mary and Martha,” they have come to expect only the first scene presented in the Scripture. There are two more pieces to their puzzle, however. In later stories, readers may focus more on the death and resurrection of their brother or the anointing of Jesus than on Mary and Martha, even though those events are also continuations of the sisters’ story.
Their first mention is in Luke 10.
Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word. (Luke 10:38-39)
Jesus spent three years in full-time ministry, traveling the roads of Israel to teach about the coming Kingdom of God. When He first described His situation to one of his new disciples, Jesus told him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head.” (Luke 9:58) Jesus depended on the kindness and hospitality of others while He focused on teaching and healing.
Martha opened her home to Jesus when He came through the village of Bethany, but Jesus didn’t travel alone. Most are familiar with His core group of twelve disciples—a crowd enough on its own—but there was also a group of women who used their money to support His ministry and a larger group of seventy followers who worked as missionaries, preparing villages for Jesus’ arrival.
And it came to pass afterward, that he went throughout every city and village, preaching and shewing the glad tidings of the kingdom of God: and the twelve were with him, and certain women, which had been healed of evil spirits and infirmities, Mary called Magdalene, out of whom went seven devils, and Joanna the wife of Chuza Herod’s steward, and Susanna, and many others, which ministered unto him of their substance. (Luke 8:1-3)
After these things the Lord appointed other seventy also, and sent them two and two before his face into every city and place, whither he himself would come. (Luke 10:1)
We have no idea how many people came to Martha’s home. Still, caring for any combination of these groups would have seemed impossible for a single hostess, but Martha welcomed Jesus and His followers into her house.
Mary was a disciple of Jesus. She wasn’t one of the twelve, but she was a student. She sat at His feet in the posture of a disciple, ready to listen and learn.
But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? Bid her therefore that she help me. (Luke 10:40)
We’ve all been there. We put ourselves under pressure to provide a nice meal for guests or special occasions. Even when our families witness us putting frozen pizza and salads on the table once a week (and there’s nothing wrong with that!), we want to impress them with a special meal on Thanksgiving or Christmas. As we get frazzled, we lash out, even though no one else expects our unrealistic idea of perfection. Martha was “cumbered about,” and, in her mind, she blamed the person closest to her, her sister, Mary.
cumbered: perispaō
to drag all around, that is, (figuratively) to distract (with care).
about: peri
per-ee’
properly through (all over), that is, around; it retains substantially the same meaning of circuit (around), excess (beyond), or completeness (through).
Martha approached Jesus, and her emotions spilled out. She started by accusing Him of not caring that Mary left her to serve by herself. She asked Jesus to tell Mary to help out.
And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: but one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her. (Luke 10:41-42)
Jesus was kind in His rebuke. He pointed out that Martha had an anxiety problem — that’s what the word “careful” means. She was also disturbed or “troubled.” He saw to the heart of Martha’s situation. He found no fault in her hospitality but in her mental and emotional outlook. Jesus told Martha that one thing was needful. He met her where she was — in the middle of her flurry of service — where every detail seemed necessary for the event to be a success. He then reassured her that only one thing was needful.
careful: merimnaō
to be anxious about: – (be, have) care (-ful), take thought
troubled: turbazō
to make “turbid”, that is, disturb: – trouble.
needful: chreia
employment, that is, an affair; also (by implication) occasion, demand, requirement or destitution
With everything Martha had provided for her guests, she overlooked the one necessary something — providing for herself. Sitting at Christ’s feet in the pose of a disciple and listening, Mary exemplified that one thing. There was a time for everything, and this was the time to soak in the teachings of Christ.
Jesus’ rebuke was gentle and much kinder than how generations of teachers have treated Martha. I’ve sat through dozens of sermons where I’ve been warned not to be a Martha or how I should strive to be a “Mary in a Martha world.”
Of course, I’ve also heard those sermons dissected by women who had to leave the service a few minutes early to make sure that the hot dishes in the kitchen made it to the tables in time for the afternoon potluck. I’ve listened to women muse about who would cook and present all the food if it weren’t for the “Marthas” in the congregation.
Suppose we follow the usual pattern and separate this story of Martha from the other mentions of her in Scripture? In that case, it is easy to assume that Jesus didn’t have much respect for Martha and her hard work, that Mary was the favorite, the faithful, the one every woman should emulate. But this isn’t the only story of Martha and Mary. It is only one piece of their puzzle.
Now a certain man was sick, named Lazarus, of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha. (It was that Mary which anointed the Lord with ointment, and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick.) Therefore his sisters sent unto him, saying, Lord, behold, he whom thou lovest is sick. (John 11:1-3)
The second piece is in John 11. Because it starts with Lazarus’s illness, many readers assume the story is about him. Instead, the crux of the story is about the interaction between the sisters and Jesus. When Lazarus fell ill, his sisters, Mary and Martha, reached out to Jesus because they believed He could heal their brother.
In verse two, a bit of historical detail is added. Under the Holy Spirit’s influence, John describes Mary as the woman who anointed Jesus with oil and wiped His feet with her hair. This is a foreshadowing for the reader and a call-back to those who witnessed the event.
Mary and Martha sent word to Jesus about their brother. They did not ask Him to come to heal Lazarus. Instead, they simply let Him know that “He whom thou lovest is sick.”
lovest: phileō
to be a friend to, have affection for, denoting personal attachment, as a matter of sentiment or feeling
Then they rested in their faith that Jesus’ love for their brother would bring Him back to Bethany. When Jesus heard that, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby. Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus. When he had heard therefore that he was sick, he abode two days still in the same place where he was. (John 11:4-6)
Jesus let the disciples know He understood the nature of Lazarus’ sickness and its outcome. Clear comprehension of His statement is vital to understanding the passage. Jesus declared that the purpose of Lazarus’s illness was to glorify God and Himself as God’s Son. Jesus was preparing His disciples for a miracle. The Bible reiterated Jesus’ love for the three siblings.
Jesus remained where He was for the next two days, not despite His love but because of it. Jesus was fully aware that something better was going to happen.
Then after that saith he to his disciples, Let us go into Judaea again. His disciples say unto him, Master, the Jews of late sought to stone thee; and goest thou thither again? (John 11:7-8)
When the two days were up, Jesus prepared to return to Judea. His disciples’ response lets us in on their thought processes. They assumed that Jesus hadn’t returned to Bethany to heal Lazarus before because, first of all, He had told them it wasn’t a mortal illness and also because the Jewish leaders were seeking to execute Jesus. His desire to return now confused them. The situations, as far as they knew, had not changed.
Jesus answered, Are there not twelve hours in the day? If any man walk in the day, he stumbleth not, because he seeth the light of this world. But if a man walk in the night, he stumbleth, because there is no light in him. (John 11:9-10)
At first, Jesus explained His reasons metaphorically, using the picture of walking in the light and stumbling at night. There was a time for everything. This motif is seen in the first story of Mary and Martha.
These things said he: and after that he saith unto them, Our friend Lazarus sleepeth; but I go, that I may awake him out of sleep. Then said his disciples, Lord, if he sleep, he shall do well. Howbeit Jesus spake of his death: but they thought that he had spoken of taking of rest in sleep. Then said Jesus unto them plainly, Lazarus is dead. (John 11:11-14)
The disciples didn’t understand the metaphor, so Jesus explained again — using another analogy. Teachers do this to encourage their students to think. Jesus promoted critical thinking skills. He welcomed questions — even the hard ones. His students, however, had spent years in a system where authority was not questioned. Usually, the only people asking priests, Levites, and rabbis to explain their teachings were fellow priests, Levites, and rabbis who believed the same things. They expected everyone else to prove their faithfulness by following with unquestioning meekness. The spiritual leaders, not the populace, confronted Jesus about His teachings and then became angry that His words contradicted theirs.
Much is made of the verse, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” (Proverbs 27:17), but if people surround themselves with those who neglect to sharpen their critical thinking skills, they will become lazy thinkers. As a result, their world becomes a giant echo chamber where growth becomes impossible. Jesus spent His ministry teaching people how to think, question, and arrive at decisions for themselves.
Unfortunately, in this story, the disciples weren’t quite there yet. First, they didn’t understand the earlier lesson of “everything in its time,” then they couldn’t comprehend Jesus’ news that Lazarus was sleeping and needed to be woken. Jesus attempted to get their sluggish brains moving twice, but they resisted.
The disciples, who had watched Jesus heal the illnesses of thousands of people, now gave medical advice. They told him that an ill person needed sleep to recover. Finally, Jesus told them plainly that Lazarus was dead. He patiently waited for them to make the connection between this “real” statement and His metaphorical ones.
Perfect timing, waking a sleeper, Lazarus is dead. What did Jesus mean?
And I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, to the intent ye may believe; nevertheless let us go unto him. Then said Thomas, which is called Didymus, unto his fellow disciples, Let us also go, that we may die with him. (John 11:15-16)
The disciples failed to make the connections. When one of them, Thomas, finally spoke, he completely ignored all the breadcrumbs and fell back into the habit of unthinking obedience. “He says go, so let’s go. He’s probably going to die, so let’s die too.”
Again, Jesus said He was glad for the illness and now the death of His friend. This situation would deepen the disciples’ belief. There was a time for everything. Now, it was time for them to return. We can see the foreshadowing in Jesus’ words. The timing and the waking of the sleeper all point to Jesus’ plan to resurrect Lazarus from the dead. And Jesus was excited about it! His disciples were going to see something unique that would strengthen their belief and faith. The resurrection was going to bring glory to God. The whole prospect of raising Lazarus made Jesus glad,[194] meaning “full of cheer.”
glad: chairō
to be full of “cheer”, that is, calmly happy or well off
Then when Jesus came, he found that he had lain in the grave four days already. Now Bethany was nigh unto Jerusalem, about fifteen furlongs off: and many of the Jews came to Martha and Mary, to comfort them concerning their brother. (John 11:17-19)
Jesus arrived in Bethany four days after the entombing of Lazarus. Jerusalem was approximately two miles away, so it was within easy walking distance for the mourners from the city who joined those in Bethany to comfort the sisters.
Then Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming, went and met him: but Mary sat still in the house. (John 11:17-20)
Jesus hadn’t made it to the house before Martha came out to meet him. It was only Martha who came. Mary remained inside. From our first glimpse of the sisters, we learned that Martha was a woman of action, and Mary was a woman of quiet observation. Mary sat at Jesus’s feet, wanting to listen and to learn while Martha served. Now, we see Martha putting her faith into action. She put herself in the presence of the Savior while her sister remained behind.
Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died. But I know, that even now, whatsoever thou wilt ask of God, God will give it thee. (John 11:21-22)
Martha’s greeting to Jesus would have sounded accusatory if not for one particular word — “but.” First, she recognized that Jesus could have healed Lazarus from his illness if He had been present. And then the “but.” While she acknowledged that Lazarus wouldn’t be dead if Jesus arrived in time, she also believed it wasn’t too late. Why? Because God would give Jesus whatever He asked for.
Jesus saith unto her, Thy brother shall rise again. Martha saith unto him, I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day. (John 11:23-24)
Jesus was not in mourning. He already knew the outcome of this whole situation. When Martha approached and expressed her belief that it still wasn’t too late, Jesus immediately offered her a leading statement. He was still in teacher mode. He prompted Martha to think. His message was, “Thy brother shall rise again.” Unlike the disciples, Martha’s thinking was straightforward and quick. Her immediate response to Jesus’ words was, “I know.”
Martha had probably heard the message about seeing her brother again in the resurrection repeatedly during the previous four days. It was the generic comfort offered to those who lost a loved one. Mourners assumed the hope of heaven would help cushion the blow of loss. Martha readily agreed with Jesus since she was a believer and knew there would be a resurrection on the last day. Finally! Jesus was facing a student who used her mind! He drew her deeper into the thought experiment.
Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: and whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this? (John 11:25-26)
Jesus corrected Martha’s assumption. He wasn’t referring to the “last day.” Instead, HE IS the resurrection and the life.
resurrection: anastasis
a standing up again, that is, (literally) a resurrection from death
life: zōē
life
Believing in Jesus brought eternal life. When Jesus declared Himself to be the resurrection and the life, it may have sounded metaphorical, but it wasn’t. It was one of the few times Jesus referred to His literal role as a member of the Godhead. He is the creative force, the life. He has ultimate control over life and death. He ended His statement to Martha with,
“do you believe this?” She saith unto him, Yea, Lord: I believe that thou art the Christ, the Son of God, which should come into the world. (John 11:27)
Martha’s answering words were some of the Bible’s most beautiful expressions of faith. She openly and plainly stated that she believed Jesus was the Messiah or Christ.
Christ: Christos
anointed, that is, the Messiah
She called Him the Son of God — the one destined to come into the world to save it. Martha was a believer in Jesus Christ, and she was vocal about her beliefs.
And when she had so said, she went her way, and called Mary her sister secretly, saying, The Master is come, and calleth for thee. As soon as she heard that, she arose quickly, and came unto him. Now Jesus was not yet come into the town, but was in that place where Martha met him. The Jews then which were with her in the house, and comforted her, when they saw Mary, that she rose up hastily and went out, followed her, saying, She goeth unto the grave to weep there. (John 11:28-31)
Martha stated her faith plainly, then fetched her sister from the house. She told her sister that Jesus was present and called for her. Martha did so secretly, but Mary, though quiet, was not discrete in this story. She got up quickly, and everyone in the house noticed. When the mourners saw Mary leave, they assumed that she was on her way to her brother’s grave and followed to mourn with her there.
Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died. (John 11:32)
Mary did the opposite of her sister. She didn’t come until Christ called her, and while she assumed her usual place at His feet and the words she spoke were the same as Martha’s, they were accusatory. There was no “but.” Mary was not expressing her faith. Instead, she blamed Jesus for her brother’s death and wept hopelessly.
When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled, (John 11:33)
groaned: embrimaomai
to have indignation on, that is, (transitively) to blame, (intransitively) to sigh with chagrin, (specifically) to sternly enjoin
troubled: tarassō
Of uncertain affinity; to stir or agitate (roil water): – trouble.
Jesus groaned in His spirit and was troubled, not by Lazarus’s death, because Jesus had come to Bethany specifically to raise Lazarus from the dead. Jesus was happy for His disciples that they would get to witness this miracle and have their faith deepened. He had the opportunity to hear Martha proclaim her belief in Him. He planned to raise Lazarus from the dead, not in the last days, but on THAT day.
Jesus showed no sorrow, frustration, indignation, or agitation until Mary fell at His feet and expressed her lack of faith in Him.
And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see. Jesus wept. Then said the Jews, Behold how he loved him! (John 11:34-36)
The faithlessness of the mourners, and Mary, in particular, marred the triumph of the miracle. Still, Jesus asked the way to the tomb of Lazarus.
And “Jesus wept.” The verse is short, stark, and too often misunderstood. The very moment it happened, the crowd misinterpreted the event. They assumed that Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus. But, there was no reason for Jesus to weep over Lazarus’s death. It was a temporary thing, soon corrected. Jesus didn’t weep over Lazarus. He wept over Mary.
And some of them said, Could not this man, which opened the eyes of the blind, have caused that even this man should not have died? Jesus therefore again groaning in himself cometh to the grave. It was a cave, and a stone lay upon it. (John 11:37-38)
On their way to the tomb, the mourners murmured, questioning Jesus’s actions. They audibly wondered why Jesus didn’t bother to heal Lazarus. The new accusations hurt Jesus. He groaned again as He approached the grave.
Jesus said, Take ye away the stone. Martha, the sister of him that was dead, saith unto him, Lord, by this time he stinketh: for he hath been dead four days. Jesus saith unto her, Said I not unto thee, that, if thou wouldest believe, thou shouldest see the glory of God? (John 11:39-40)
Jesus commanded the removal of the stone while Martha, ever practical, reminded Him that a body buried for four days would have started the putrefaction process. Jesus reminded her of what they talked about earlier, that if she believed, she would see God’s glory in her brother’s resurrection.
Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead was laid. And Jesus lifted up his eyes, and said, Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me. And I knew that thou hearest me always: but because of the people which stand by I said it, that they may believe that thou hast sent me. (John 11:41-42)
Jesus prayed loudly to God, the Father, for the benefit of the mourners around the tomb. He informed them, through His prayers, that God had sent him.
And when he thus had spoken, he cried with a loud voice, Lazarus, come forth. And he that was dead came forth, bound hand and foot with graveclothes: and his face was bound about with a napkin. Jesus saith unto them, Loose him, and let him go. Then many of the Jews which came to Mary, and had seen the things which Jesus did, believed on him. (John 11:43-45)
Jesus completed His mission. He called Lazarus out of his tomb, bringing the brother of Mary and Martha back to life. Jesus instructed the onlookers to loosen the strips of cloth they had bound around Lazarus when they prepared him for the grave. Because they saw the miracle, the Jews who came to mourn with Mary were convinced that Jesus was the Christ. In Mary and Martha’s first story, Mary was praised for her faithfulness, while Martha was rebuked for not understanding the need for a time of quiet reflection and learning.
Martha revealed herself as a spiritually mature and vocal believer in the second story. She met Jesus face to face and declared her faith in Him. On the other hand, Mary broke His heart with her lack of faith.
In the third story, the sisters communicated their faith in the best ways they could. Martha expressed her love and belief through service. Mary expressed her faith at Jesus’ feet.
Then Jesus six days before the Passover came to Bethany, where Lazarus was which had been dead, whom he raised from the dead. There they made him a supper; and Martha served: but Lazarus was one of them that sat at the table with him. (John 12:1-2)
Six days before the last supper, Jesus had dinner in Bethany. The resurrected Lazarus sat at the table with Jesus and the disciples. Martha was serving. She was faith in action. It was a special dinner, so her service was the right thing to do at the right time. Again, we see the motif of the appropriate time for everything.
Then took Mary a pound of ointment of spikenard, very costly, and anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped his feet with her hair: and the house was filled with the odour of the ointment. (John 12:3)
Mary arrived at the dinner with a pound of perfume. The Bible described it as an ointment of spikenard. In other words, it was pure myrrh. Myrrh was one of the first gifts given to Jesus. When the Wisemen arrived in Bethlehem, they gave Jesus gold, denoting His right as king. They also gave Him frankincense, which is used as an incense denoting prayer, to show His right to perform the office of Priest. Myrrh was used in the burial rites of the ancient world. Now, Jesus received this perfume again.
Then saith one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, which should betray him, why was not this ointment sold for three hundred pence, and given to the poor? This he said, not that he cared for the poor; but because he was a thief, and had the bag, and bare what was put therein. (John 12:4-6)
Jesus did not rebuke Martha for serving. Dinner was the perfect time to act out her specific type of faith.
Jesus did not rebuke Mary. She was quietly expressing her faith.
And yet, there was a rebuke.
Judas Iscariot objected to the waste of the expensive perfume. He suggested that it could have been sold and the money given to the poor. The Bible gives commentary on Judas’ motivations. He didn’t care for the poor at all. He regretted not being able to pocket the money for himself.
Then said Jesus, Let her alone: against the day of my burying hath she kept this. For the poor always ye have with you; but me ye have not always. (John 12:7-8)
Jesus rebuked Judas and stood up for Mary because He understood the motivations of both hearts. Not long before, Mary had accused her Savior. She had faltered in her faith. Now, that faith was back, even stronger than before. Mary precisely clarified why Jesus was on the earth and showed her belief the best way she could — by preparing Him for His upcoming burial.
Judas, in turn, showed his unbelief. Jesus wasn’t who he’d hoped for, but Judas was going to use what he perceived as Jesus’ weakness to make himself look good. He pretended that he wanted to take care of the poor. Jesus reminded Judas that there would always be those who need help, but He wouldn’t always be around. Mary knew that. The time was right to show her faith.
The whole picture of Mary and Martha in these three stories is one of maturing faith. Martha and Mary both claimed their rights as excellent, godly women and used those rights to grow closer to Jesus. Their personalities and actions expressed the depths of their faith.
Skwarczynski, Marbeth. The Women Who Set the Precedents: An Exploration of the Bible’s Bill of Rights for Women (pp. 239-253). Kindle Edition.
Marbeth Skwarczynski, Author 